If you are a parent of school age children, you probably remember that first day at school when your own child was apprehensive, to say the least, about being left in the unknown. How do they share their emotions? Some kids scream and kick and refuse to let go of mom’s hand whilst others seem to be unfazed by their new surroundings. How can you build rapport with children to help them feel comfortable in a new environment or with new people?
Think about how foster children may feel going into a new home. It’s not just for a few hours like school, but for an undetermined amount of time. So if you are a foster parent or thinking about becoming one, try to put yourself into their shoes. Many foster kids will meet you with this same apprehension. With that in mind, it is vitally important to understand what a child might be experiencing on that all-important day one in your home. You can then tailor your greeting to put that little one at ease.
Fosterplus and the Montessori Educational System Meet Eye-to-Eye
Some of the most important things preschool teachers learn in their studies are ways in which to be non-threatening when meeting little children for the first time. They are taught that adults might as well be giants in the eyes of a child and so it is less ‘threatening’ to get down to their level by bending on a knee when speaking with them. This is important whenever you are meeting a child. It helps to put them at ease and build rapport. I used this method whenever meeting new students as a speech pathologist.
The fosterplus.co.uk independent fostering agency agrees with the Montessori educational system that believes in the importance of meeting kids in a non-threatening manner. It is vital for the emotional wellbeing of children to feel safe in their new foster home, however temporary it might be, and that first encounter sets the stage for everything that comes after.
A Further Look at Easing the Fear of the Unknown
One of the first things you can do when introducing a child to a new space is to give them a tour. If you are a foster family, take the child on a tour of the home, showing them where their bedroom is. Even as adults we are sometimes a little anxious when visiting a friend for the first time in their home. Sometimes it’s the little things like not knowing where the toilet is or how to get to the room which they will be staying in that are off-putting. In fact, if you have children of your own in the home, why not have them show the newcomer around? Sometimes kids are much more comfortable and receptive when in the company of peers. You can also offer a snack or to play with toys or a game to help the child feel less anxious or shy.
Talk Directly to the Child
Another way to put a child at ease is to speak directly to them and not about them with the worker who has brought them to your door, if that’s how your agency handles this first meeting. It should also be understood that you acknowledge their presence by speaking directly to them if the conversation is about them. If the child is there in the room with you, instead of asking the worker if Susie likes pink or blue curtains, ask Susie herself! How you speak to them really does matter. It makes them feel respected and important.
Even children as young as three or four know their colors and they surely know which one they like better. In other words, to the extent of their understanding, it is okay to show them the respect the Montessori system says is their due by asking them what they prefer. Who knows better than they do, themselves? Remember, you are trying to envision what it must be like for a child on that very first day in your home. When the time comes, you’ll never know unless you talk directly to them because little as they might be, they are people, nonetheless. They have opinions and thoughts and often like to share them!
Whether you are looking to foster or not, these are all great tips to help children feel comfortable with you as a newcomer or in an unfamiliar space. Taking into account how you speak to children and how you interact is important to help establish a great relationship moving forward and build rapport.
